Economize our Language

In this era of tightening belts and cutting back, I figured I would take a shot at lending a hand. However, I am stuck and need your feedback and assistance

My goal is to help the many citizens of the world who use the Latin alphabet, cutting it down by 4%. If we assume that any given word has six letters, this would create a net 1% savings to the bottom line. That would equate to $40M off Google’s expense line--- for the most recent QUARTER. (If you trust the math, move on. If not feel free to read the text Italics below)

Assumptions:

1. Words average six letters


2. Normal probabilities for a sample and population event


3. Words are independent events of one another

Translation

1. 1 letter from 26 = 4%


2. 6 letters a word from selection of 26 = 23%


3. 23% * 4% = 1% (rounded up)

Where I need you help? I cannot figure out where to cut.

First, there are the essentials I do not believe we can cut. I and A are both words in themselves. They have to stay. With the advent of SMS, U is a word as well. Not that I like this development, but it is here to stay (my 11 year old is even staring to use it in book reports… not good).

Next, I am not sure I could recommend P or Q without the wrath of my mother. I seem to remember having to mind those 2 a whole lot as a small child. So while I am still not sure 30+ years later why, they must have some importance if I was supposed to give them so much attention.

How about some of the vowels? We have that darned 6th one. That wily Y. Why is Y a vowel? It is so sly, the rhythm so dry. Best stop now…. So Y seems pretty essential after all.

There might be something to a vowel, as several countries have limited vowels and long names… Kyrgyzstan for example. If a country can cut down on a vowel, can’t we…. Maybe? But which one- E or O (as we have eliminated A, I, U, and Y now)? A vowel is not looking so good after all.

Z seemed like a logical choice, until I realized the wrath of major pharmaceutical companies everywhere would descend upon me. Zantac, Zofran, Zocor, Zyrtex, Zyban, Zithromax… the list goes on. Pharma also seems to think that X is a power letter as well: Xanax, Xenical, Xyzal, and more. Plus Microsoft and their legal team fresh off their Yahoo drubbing would love to level us to protect their X-Box…. Calling it “Bo” just does not carry the same panache.

I hope that you are staring to understand my dilemma. This is not an easy undertaking. I am not ready to give up hope.

I am trying to help our verbal and written economy. This is where I need your help. What letter would you remove from the alphabet?